-love me if you can..

2011-04-06T01:54:00.002+07:00

What is over is over. I don't care about what happened in between. I only wanted to know what is the end product. It was hurtful. However...

Yzanne is letting go of the past. FULLY. Good bye PEOPLE.

and HELLO PRECIOUS!! (:

Koh Jun Xian <3

2010-12-12T23:52:00.002+07:00

I was so disappointed in him yesterday.
He forgot my age!! How is that possible? I seriously don't know.
"keke"
"don't keke. don't be like xiao mei mei. 21 already going 22 le"
HAIIS !! kek xim siol ~
First, he maples and neglected me.
Then, he forgets my age.
By the time I come back from Port Dickson, I think he is going to forget me!!
Or maybe not so bad, just forgot that he actually has a girlfriend.
Oh my! Please! Don't ! T-T
Okay, I think I should stop worrying myself.

OKAY!
Port dickson! T-T

I am NOT looking forward to it. But I have to GET GOING AND OVER WITH IT.
I don't want to leave my boyfriend !! ==!
(I can forsee, if ever he reads this, he's gonna go "few days nia mah. dun behave like xiao mei mei le pls". T-T)
Guys just doesn't know HOW MUCH girls loves to stick around their love one.
Erm, I'm hoping there might be wireless connection so atleast something to keep me entertained. And I can atleast get contact with my boyfriend via MSN !!
But a friend from malaysia told me.... NOPE. DON'T HAVE!!
So now, I'm gonna PAY them tips to hand over the password of their wireless, IF I see some :x

OOH! Port Dickson is just nearby to Melacca!
Some friends asked if I go there by plane. Thinking it maybe some foriegn countries like our dear UK or Europe area. LOL

Well. At the very least~
I called M1 to subscribe to per minute roaming service :x
Looks like I'm gonna have to text my way to him~
But thats the VERY LEAST !
Will take PLENTY of photos. Make people know Port Dickson. HAHA.
Miss me people. :)

2010-12-11T22:12:00.003+07:00

At first I thought you fell asleep. Then I thought you might be busy with your maple shop. And then I thought maybe you were SOOOOOOOOOO tired that you kept sleeping.

But I held onto my phone. Waited and waited. Finally texted you at 7++ reminding you about dinner. But no reply. I Kept telling myself, you must be busy with something..

End up. at 11+pm.
You are.. Busy with maple..

It reminds me of a friend. Whom once told me. Once you stop having same interest with your guy, he will move further away from you slowly bit by bit(in the world of gaming).

I don't know if I'm feeling TOO angry. Or did i cry because this is the 1st time you ever neglected me for so long?

I'm too sensitive you would say.zz.
Whatever.

2010-12-11T17:30:00.002+07:00

I'm going to go Port Dickson on Monday!
Reporting time is 6am.
Best thing is, I just received a call, they need me to help with cake shop again, on Friday, saturday and sunday! Come on man! I'll only return to singapore on wed ! Give me some time with my boyfriend thankyou!
Ooh well. Luckily friday, saturday and sunday are those days where it isn't very nice to sell ice cream. :x i guess school holiday and the adults have to bring the children out on a weekend?

It's mom's birthday tomorrow. (:
this year, i get nothing for her. I'm too financially thight! :x oops.

Having fever now but reject going to the doctor anyway. I hate medicines ==!
hopefully recover soon bah.
Mom wanted to bring me for an injection. She scare I can't go port dickson. But to me seriously, not going is TOTALLY FINE. :x

Enjoy working with my boyfriend. Although this also means that we have too much time togethere and have very little things to talk about. But one thing did not change. He is still as random as ever. Still tease me whenever he is bored. giving me surprise kisses and all. I think he enjoys making me blush. WHiCH, I rarely did. :x

One thing good about us is that we don't quarrel. We both hate it. So what we do is attitude. Then keep quiet, ignoring other party. Then when one of us (normally him) come tease a bit here and there, the party made angry (normally ME) will start to kpkb here and there for awhile. and then that's it. Nothing over night. Nothing too big to be solved. :D

I guess we both believed in one another so there isn;t big problems like my past experiences with guys. He isn't the kind that gets very possessive (although I won't mind if he is a little :x) so i guess i'm lucky. He doesn't show how much he loves me everytime. so I have to pay attention to it. haha, As in, when he shower me with a BIT of honey-ed words, I actually believed them :x

He isn't good with words, so i dont expect anything lovey dovey from him. but nvm, i know how much he loves me. Although sometimes I wonder too :x

And I love him for who he is. (:

2010-12-08T01:15:00.002+07:00

Yeah! Sold 12 ice cream bars tonight. Normally only sell about 4 or better, 8~9.
Earn quite a bit tonight and hopefully bee saves it up for me for xmas!!
He promise me he would bring me out! :( We'll se about it ehh?
He said that he only aims 2~3 blocks tonight. So we ended up selling 12.
He said his mouth opposite... so the random stuff began..
"your so ugly, I hate you so much"
EH! who wouldn't be angry?! hahas.
Well, he kissed my cheek without any warning. :x
That is how he is, so random, so unpredictable.

He is a bad boy tonight. its 225am and he just went out with his friends.
Looks like I'm gonna have to call his phone ALOT of times to wake him up again.
3 days!! 3 days!!
without "morning darling" because I had been waking him up!
NOT USED TO IT. :x

People always tend to talk about "getting used" and "love".
And I came across some situations whereas the reason people broke up was, "I used to love u alot, and now I've gotten used to you."
Well, shouldn't that be a good thing? If you don't love someone, why bother getting used to them? Will you even get used in the first place? Lame break up excuses. ==!

Mickkie is sick. But I can't go to the vet with her. :(
She had been coughing and now some worm came out.
Vet said it was critical, so gerger and valen have to bring her to the vet like... REAL SOON.
And I've already promised my schedule, I can't go. But I do hope she's fine..

It's always sour to see people breaking up.
This one was the closest one to me. The both of them.
It's a pity. After going through so much together. So many months and all. So many problems encounted. And finally one of them is tired. Well, that's the information i got so far.
I feel uneasy trying to ask. So I'll just wait till everything cools down a little. Hope they're fine.

2010-12-06T23:56:00.002+07:00

Had been working together with baby. (:
Although he keeps keeping my iphone entertained instead of me.
But well, (OF COX IM ANGRY!) had to get on with it :x
Don't want to argue or what so ever with him.
Sometimes get more money. Sometimes SOOOO little I feel like crying.
Fortunately we're more or less spending more time together.
Sometimes he's so sweet. Sometimes he's so cold.

He met his ex on the way home today after our movie.
He went all emo and I didn't know what to say, or do.
All i did was worry here and there. There are loads of questions I want to ask.
But I don;t want to get the answers I don't like.

I didn't realised how scared I am to lose him.
There's alot of "what-if".. But I'm too chicken to know the answer.
Like he said before.. Some things better not to know. So well, I am trying my very best!
He's trying to distract himself I guess. I hope everything will be fine tomorrow.
It's suffocating.. but atlleast he tells me and not keep it from me.

I'm working hard. To make him smile. Keep him entertained.
Do everything he feels or want to do(well, try).
Spend everytime I can with him. Letting him do what he wants.
Letting him do what he likes. All these seems easy. But believe me, it is hard for me.
So hard that i feel so tired everytime.
No, it's not that kind of tiredness which makes you let everything go.
It's something I need a break from. Something I want to do nothing but stare at it and see if anything moves by its own.

Hard to even understand me?
Believe me, I don't know what I'm thinking as well.
well... I just need a break..

2010-12-03T02:41:00.002+07:00

One month and still counting (:

Well, actually its 1 month and 3 days already. hehe. Well, of cause, people do change. To good, to bad, whatever.. And we, like any other people, do have arguments and stuffs.

I don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing, but to him, every morning is a brand new day. No more yesterday's problem, no more arguing, no more attitide problems.

I gave him a cross-stitch key chain i stitched myself. It seriously took me WEEKS! I'm just not made for this. Yeahh, I'm a bit disappointed.. well.. he didn't really remember the date. Of cause I did nagged for awhile, well, ermm, for 1 whole day. But everything's fine now. Let's see the other days.

I start my day everyday with a text message which says " morning darling . "
Which is sweet. Everyday, without fail, till now (: frequently, some other text on what he's doing and stuff. You know, all these little things made me actually do believe in him more than any other guy whom I've dated (or not). Although this fellow isn't the normal "Mr- LOH-MAN-TIC" most girls likes, but he is one random and fun person to be with. too bad he's mine (:

Oh, I'm REALLY having problems being angry at him. -.-!! He makes me angry, but on the other hand, ease me down with a hug. Which lady in her twenties won't laugh when she realised she was angry over some stupid stuffs? He tease me everyday, make me blush, make my heart skip a beat...

He's not someone who will tell you how much he loves you every single day. But, he is someone, whom if you pay attention closely, and try your very best to know him, will turn out to be a really sweet catch. You know, when I feel that he behaved rather cold towards me that day, (after maybe giving him a cold shoulder), start to think about how he react to my questions.. all the random things he said.. I will be reminded of how much he loves me actually.

I guess I COULD be wrong.

But I believe everyone has their own way of showing love. And if thats his way, why not? I've noticed this so there shouldn't be any problem :p

Had been facing financial problems. But that doesn't stop me from meeting my friends. Well, just got to keep a look out on what I spend. :x

Well, over all, I spent my days well.

Thanks to Leanne and Anderson. (:

<3>

2010-11-12T21:21:00.003+07:00

Spent quite alot of time together. (:
Yes I love that.

Looking for Job, Being beside you whenever I can, School. :x
It's quite stressful actually. Nevermind. It's all going to be over by 20th Nov. My exam date :3
Lucky for me, it's open book. LAW. I hate law.
Hmm. Went praying with bee that day. I hope it helped.

You know.. the way he do stuffs and all. Just makes me smile whenever I think of it. hahas.
He's always so... shy. It's rare for him to come close to you. Close as in.. CLOSE. So whenever he is, I always skipped a heart beat. :x Of cause, can't let him know this. :x

Really hope to work together!!
We say wanna go play together after we got pay de :D

Jiayous for us! :D

Guess he's out cycling now.

He had a nightmare about his ex gf just now. I wasn;t very happy about hearing about the ex gf part. But well, I guess I have to appreciate how honest he is to have told me that. Just that, I don;t like luhhhhhhhhh -cries-

Okay anyway. I've sent out resumes and did alot of calling here and there. HOPEFULLY I get a decent job, If not, I'm going to go pubs with bee ==!!

Hope bee goes home sooooon~
His house area so ulu pandan de~
He has a bigbig house!! With a cute "rabbit" (white puppy) :3

Lets work hard togethere baby!! :D

LOOK HERE. NOT EVERYTIME HAVE ONE OK !

I love you many many gaogao too. <3>

2010-11-08T15:19:00.003+07:00

We're together now (:

Yzanne is happy.

30 Oct 2010.

We did alot of fun stuffs together. Alot of boring stuffs too. This and that. (:

It's beginning to become more and more comfortable.

I love the way he behaves sometimes. Sweet and nice. haha.

All romantic memories in my personal dairy!! :D

I don;t wanna share lehhhh~ lol.

It maybe hard to meet up everyday and stick together and all.

But everytime of our meeting was fun. enjoyable n all. :D

<3>

2010-10-27T16:08:00.003+07:00

Everything is feeling different!

My "darling" totally went missing.
Give it all back to me!!
Those SMS feels so so so so cold.
Can't help thinking that you're even further now.
What can I do?
What else can I do? :(

I crossed out the name that I left on my body.
I wished it would bleed even longer.

I couldn't sleep well yesterday.
Even if I did fall asleep somehow, I dreamt of you.
It was something nice in the front.
But something bad happened. I teared while sleeping. Just don't leave me like this.

Tarots advised me to give you some freedom and space.
I should had read my tarots before I talked to you on phone.
Too late. :(

Friend said I'm just thinking too much. Being too sensitive about your everything.
I cared too much about you you and you. I Totally forgot about myself.

Reflect the whole night.
Summary is, I don't understand what I'm doing anymore.

OKOK!

You just called me darling. telling me you're going out now. Well it is your birthday today.
Hope you have fun.

Guess I'll be holding my phone wherever I go, Making sure I don't leave out any of your SMSes.

Watashi wa anata wo aishite imasu.

2010-10-27T02:45:00.003+07:00

I hate myself so much.

Emo myself jiu hao. Why did I bother you. :(
Suddenly too afraid that whatever I'm have now is going to change tomorrow morning.
I knew your answer would be a NO. I still asked. Hoping there might be a surprise. Hoping I would atleast know the reason why NOT.

And now I finally know it. You don't believe anyone would love you this much.
But what am I doing?!!

It's okay if I get together with someone else?
It's okay if I get hurt badly by other guys and all doesn't concern you?
It's okay for you to let me go?
It's okay for you and nothing concerns you?
No pain no itch?
Serious?

He replied YES to all these.

But he was crying.

This is not what I want !!
Selfish me. What can I do now?! Anything!!

Someone asked me to talk to him in person.
How can I possibly do that?

It's raining now. He must be sleeping soundly (Well, I hope).

Which idiot will blog and cry at the same time? haha.
I miss him badly.

I swear I won't let go of him so easily.
Unless...
Everything changed from tomorrow onwards..

God, Please, No.

"Never say die" is what he said to me last time.

Baby tell me what to do!!
What else to do !!

- peng you dou quan wo bu yao bu yao
bu yao na zhi ji de xin fu kai wan xiao
dan shi zuo ren yi jing na me lei
jia xing xing de xiang yao tao
zai ai li lian zhen xin dou bu neng gei
zhe cai zhen de zhen zhen de ke xiao

ai de tai zhen tai rong yi rang zhi ji si shen
tai rong yi rang zhi ji chen luen
tai rong yi bu gu yi qie man shi shang hen

wo tai ben
ming zhi dao ni shi cuo de ren
ming zhi dao zhe bu shi yuan fen
dan wo hao shi fen bu gu shen

dan wo xiang xin you dian ke neng
ke neng zai ai li mian zhe yang suan ben
ke neng yong yuan mei you shuo wei yong hen
dan shi wo bu yuan fang qi zhe li mian yi dian dian ke neng
ning yuan ben ye bu xiang yao hui hen-

(Cuo de ren)

this song is in my mixpod list, I think. I like it alot.

2010-10-26T15:59:00.002+07:00

Went vivo with Serene and her son together with gerger.
Went candy empire. Believe me, I really wanted to buy the whole shop! Haha.
Saw Vanessa there, got 20% discount!! huhu~ Thx girl!
I got this erm, Honey comb chocs and mint chocs. arhh! fav!
After that we went to have ramen for dinner. Its nice but a bit too salty.

THEN !!

I went Marina barrage with gerger!! Go there LOH-MAN-TIC.
lol. Fly kite. :3
But well, I hold it high, run here run there. When it finally flew a bit, i let go.
ARGH ! I didn't even know i shouldn't let go so quickly. I had never played such thing before!!
20 yrs of life, That was my 1st. haha. ok luhh, it flew for about, erm, 2meters?
2 meters is because i stretch my hand and yeahh.. >

THEN !!!

We got nothing much to do as we gave up on the idea of flying the kite,
so we decided to stalk HIM*.
I had never did such a thing.
To do to the place he is at, and just, yeah! do nothing.
Got cig and smoked. Passed him the honey comb chocs and chatted for AWHILE.
Then when we were going off, I shouted "bye bee!".
But no response T-T
It would have felt much more happier for me if he were to just wave or something!!
But well, never mind. Since I'm already all shy here and there. Feeling butterflies flying higher then my kite.. I tell you, I FEEL LIKE SHYTING! :x Tai jing zhang liao xD

I tell you, Boon Lay Shopping Centre? OMFG. I went there and was looking at it and was like, WOAHHHHHHHH!! Try it people! >

THEN !!!!

Went to find gerger de biao jie. since we at jurong area. Talked and went to mac.
So erm, JURONG SO MANY RUNNING CHOCOLATES!! BTH BTH !!
okok~ then we went home. And of cause text HIM*.
otw to gerger de car he told he he wanted to kiss me goodbye. OMG !
if he does that im gonna faint for sure !

Lets see if he'll ask the question he asked me again bah (:

I'm gonna get ready and meet gerger liao ~ heehee~
I DIE OSO WANNA MAKE THE KITE FLY HIGH HIGH!!

Suceed then consider bring him* go next time xD
Don;t wanna show him how monkey i am~ lalala~

2010-10-25T17:14:00.002+07:00

Baby, Finally I realised. You're fine without me. Memory.

I fell for an idiot.
He don't know how much he meant to me.

He is like, 2 years younger than me. Not the kinda guy I would normally notice. But well, what to do? Celebrated his 18th birthday. I did enjoy everything. But his kisses was so cold. I can't help giving them my thoughts. Finally asked him about it. Looks like my intuition was right. His love towards me isn't THAT strong. (OUCH!)

After the 'baby' guy. This is a guy i did wanted to devote myself to. Too hurt, too scared. Don't dare to admit how i felt when we just got together. We broke up very shortly after that. Still remain as online couple somehow. Its a bit uneasy. Quarrels and all continued. I don't understand myself, why am I getting so worked over stupid little stuffs. But when I went to his FB, saw how he missed his ex, OUCH! ENOUGH! ==! 'hen qi guai ba'?

All my friends say no. But for all who knows me, I rather do everything i can, get all hurt and painful. Than to regret even the slightest bit in the future. I don;t know what else is there for me to do.

Remembering how u hugged me and told me u love me, heart melts but it hurts somehow. knowing that i don't mean as much to you as u meant to me.

I swear this is the last time, I'm gonna chase after you. No matter the pain or whatever it takes. Till one day, when i finally get you, or get OVER you. It's yr call.

I never forget how painful it took in the past. I will prepare myself for how it will hurt this time. Yes, he isn't worth it, like all of you said. what to do?

I want to be in his skinny arms. Stupid comments and laughters. Random words and wishes. Though his stupid laughter nv once failed to make me smile just a bit. Cake cake~ :)

I'm never gonna forget whatever he promised me. But ermm, the part about finding someone to be with him, FORGET ABOUT IT PLS!

Haha. Fell for a childish kid. Someone so stupid, He don't even know how he manage to make me smile himself.

Muffin muffin!

Elva - Cuo de ren

22Oct2010

2010-05-19T17:04:00.002+07:00

wo hai shi ai ni de.

:) ni yong yuan dou bu hui zhi dao le.

its hard. yeaa.

wo shuo le. wo ai ni. jiu shi ai ni.

all i need now. is just knowing that u're doing fine. just smile, baby. just smile.

-.-! my last wishing stick was still.. for you to return.

2010-04-23T00:35:00.003+07:00

What is wrong with people now a days?! Or am i the only one SICK and CRAZY here? Why is there NO ONE who is willing to UNDERSTAND others' feelings before doing/saying/joking about anything. Or am i SUCH a NICE fxcking idiot to care so much?!

You have fun. You play around. You go out with different groups of people. You mix around with different groups of friends. You have different issues and problems to settle and face. But did u ever ever realised, My biggest problem is YOU?! How can you possibly throw everything we had before one side and proceed with your own stuffs without thinking I might be touturing myself HERE! RIGHT HERE!

I admit I DID want to leave. I forced myself to. But I know it (at that point of time) I can't ! And when i finally see some HOPE when you're finally out, I FELT YOU EVEN FURTHER! WHAT IS HAPPENING !!

I'm super jealous thinking that you might be going out to meet those who're interested in you. Knowing that YOU HAD FUN with them. and one of them got you the ELMO you find SO CUTE. It only tells me, There is NO NEED and NO MORE ROOM for my TASMANIAN DEVIL!!

Stupidly wanted to get it. Change its clothes since you liked hoodies so much. Buy a pendant with the meaning of "Hope you find your true love" OR "You are my devilish true love". put it on and SURPRISE! With a stupid card on top to let you know the meaning of the pendant. and a simple "I hope everything gets in place. And in case you needed someone to be around but don't know who to turn to, TASMANIA will be here. Just like I'll be a phone call away.."

So much things, easier said then done RIGHT! Being penniless is a PAIN IN MY ARSE NOW.knowing the fact that MY KUKU idea which came from my heart LOST to someone who has more money? If she meant something to you, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY !!

" I have someone in mind now. I'm sorry. You+Me=Friends"

It would be hard for me. But ATLEAST i won't go CRAZYYYYY so long like i am NOW! D:<

"i like you but i need more time." VERY HARD TO SAY OUT?

"i like you as a friend." YOU THINK I WON'T UNDERSTAND?

Or maybe this is what you will send? -"I don't know what i want"

You have your things to do. You think I don't?! I cannot stand it when everything reminds me of you!

oooh! Maybe i should THANK GOD you text me (forwarded MASS MSG) about the acid rain thing this afternoon. I was so happy to see your text 1st thing i opened my eyes.

How long do you want to run? I don't need you to treat me extra nice. But things are so confusing that I don't know what to think! It's like letting you hold a knife and I'm the one who's pulling you into stabbing me, again and again.

On one hand. You did think of getting together with me. On the other, You're treating me coldly like some cats (you didn't like cats).

Even gerger said it was obvious! If i still meant something. Won't you read the diary once you got home? Won't you even give me some response? Won't you even care about what i blogged about and what i did, where i went and stuffs?

WHAT AM I TO YOU?! ok. I'll answer that for you. FRIENDS.

DO I MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!

SHOW ME! I tried to observe. But disappointing results. Other than the part wher you text me, asking me about my exam. I feel NOTHING! :(

If you're a player, you did a very good job. But let me tell you. No one can be a player forever. I admit i was. But I don't know why YOU. But yes, YOU made me isolate. -.- LOVE will be a game the best player loses in the end.

You're different from other guys. You need to mature up a bit. Not that I'm not giving you time. But now, i feel insercure! It's as though you'll leave. In fact, you're not even around anymore.

Am gonna tattoo your initial. J.
You know who you are. I've told you too much.

If one day, you're not mine. I'm sorry. I didn't know how to handle guys. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to face it earlier. I'm sorry I confessed so much. I'm sorry I went crazy and did so much things. I'm sorry if i become more and more irritating. I'm sorry. Just sorry.

Sorry for not being brave like other girls. Sorry for making you the one i love.

I'm sorry for everything I've done/said out of anger and fruastrations. If i caused stress, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for unwilling to forget about any little things you do. I'm sorry for not being able to let you go like i said i would. I'm sorry for wanting myself to remember every single thing that includes you. I'm sorry for loving you.

2010-04-21T01:19:00.003+07:00

Hmms. I'm still sick. Damm the fever and sore throat.

But I still went out, having the chance to just see you, or know how you're doing. Well, I guess I'm a bit drama. But yeaa.

You were so so far away. I felt so uneasy. We didn't speak to each other much. It's as if we were stranger. If you are, You're the closest stranger I've ever met. And it hurts to be this way.

Suppose to have confrence with friends and you. You didn't sound like you're of much interest to talk to me. Yes, You're always busy with god-knows-what issues.

Things are just getting from bad to worst! WHY! :(

It would be better knowing that you still cared. Knowing that you're still the same person i fell for. Knowing that you are still you.

My head is spinning like crazy. Images of you just wouldn't get out of my brain. It's going to burst soon. Very soon.

Like my tarot says, Give in your all. Don't expect any in return. Before you regret anything in the later part. Love is coming your way. With or without you seeing it. Decisions must be made soon. Stand strong and you will get what you have been working hard on and what you have been waiting for so long. Open up. Don't isolate yourself. More communications leads to smoother roads.

But I'm just too... shy? no. i don;t know. I don;t know what to talk to you about. How to entertain you. -.-!

c'mon yzanne. You're gonna pull yourself up. To how he did feel something for you. Jiayous.

Anyone interested in tarots can try their LOVE TAROT.

http://www.tarot-live.com/

Remember to try out their cletic tarot readings too. :)

2010-04-19T18:23:00.002+07:00

:( i'm sick! oh my my. I feel so weak now. Don't even feel like getting out of bed. If it wasn't for dinner I guess I wouldn't be out of bed. :X

I slept from about 4am til about 4+ pm. haha. I don't know how i managed to do that too. Whoever who called me or text me are blurred too. cause I think I forgot what we talked about after I woke up too. laughs die me. xD

Skipped facial and massage today. Whole body weak and aching. Too lazy to get up. Too weak to go. So well, stayed in bed instead ><''

For some reason, my new piercing swells and is hurting me NOW! pain! T_T I think i ate something I'm not supposed to. :X

Eyes swell too, after the drama night I've given myself. I hugged the pillow you once hugged before and cried so hard. Until i fell asleep. -.-"

Funny thing is, morning time, I couldn't open my eyes properly. :X But well. It's funny how i get myself into bed these days. I even have people sending me facebook msges. Telling me how emo i've become.

Mommy asked about you too. She asked if we're tgt now. I didn't mean to, but shouted at her a bit and told her.. no -.- she continues asking. I don't want to talk about it. so i ignored. i know! rude! -.-!

Panadols not helping anymore. I need panadol extra! -sighhhhsss-

Ok.I guess I'm feeling tired again. I'm gonna slack a bit in front of the TV hugging the pillow behaving like a dead doll. Eat my medicine (if i remember). And sleep. -.-!

Sorry for being so emo ytd. and......

i miss you.

2010-04-19T01:43:00.002+07:00

it hurts to wait for someone. not knowing how long you have to wait. But in my case, things are a bit different. and not what i have expected. He is back. But things are not the same. totally different. I missed all his 'baby !' and now finally i get nothing. (well. guess i have to be happy that he asked how was my exam)

This silly guy. Irritating yet idiotic and i don;t know what else. But what to do? I love him. Of cause things on his side id different.

I asked him. feelings from the past and now. got diff? he answered, no.

i asked again. have you ever thought of being together with me? he answered yes.

I asked again. when did you think of that? (expecting the ans to be no or idk) he answered, everytime.

I asked. why? He answered, i really don't know how to answer.

On the other hand, He claims he had no one he likes and all. What should i think then?

It's been so long since i want to understand guys. i realised i still can't?

What to do without him?! I gave in a lot. But well, atleast i know that he is different from other guys. The sweet memories and all those sms. I can't forget! i can even read his sms out w/o even have to look! See? Yzanne's going crazy!

But i do understand that it's not easy for 2 people to get together and stay as one.

I did think of having a future with him. But going tru all these again and again. I feel him no more. I don't know what he feels now. It hurts to be trying all means to get him out the brain but just can't! Totally changed for him.

All i can do now. is using stupid ways to let him know he means soooo soooo much to me. including this cold blog. which i doubt anyone reads it now -.-

well i know he won't. so i write here xD

The issue now, i teared in front of him cause i was reminded of the past with me and him. But he didn't know. He didn;t know and won't know how hard it is to just treat it as nothing ever happened.

Yzanne don't deserve such a guy. Anyone who get the chance to be beside him. Going tru ups n downs together with him. Please, do cherish him. This follish guy had gone tru quite alot. He deserved to be well treated.

Yzanne is going to around quietly ( I HOPE! zz). hoping to see him happy one day. Even if that person is not me. I know i know, darn painful. But what to do? :)

什么都不要懂只想继续做梦
害怕醒来以后握不住你的手
是谁太不成熟没体谅彼此感受
我不停寻找着理由解释分手

心好空像没温度的气球
我的灵魂困在回忆中动也不能动

爱上你不需要理由你到底懂不懂
可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受
噢爱让我想起你的时候泪禁不住滑落
可惜你永远都不会懂

什么都不要懂只想继续做梦
害怕醒来以后握不住你的手
如果同一秒钟你也想起了我
心只要能微微颤抖就已足够

爱上你不需要理由你到底懂不懂
可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受
噢爱让我想起你的时候泪禁不住滑落
或许我永远都看不透

爱上你不需要理由你到底懂不懂
伤心快乐在回忆中反复的交错
噢爱让我想起你的时候泪禁不住滑落
可惜你永远都不会懂

放心我还会好好的过

---------------------------------------------

他的轻狂留在某一节车厢
地下铁里的风比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊
对他唯一遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好
我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来
我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最终的荒唐

如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪
我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来
我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最终的荒唐
如果还有遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

-------------------------------

最后一抹的微笑在转身之后
我闭上眼哭了
仅存的一点点骄傲
华丽的外表终於丢掉
很旁徨很孤单是寂寞或悲惨
一个人该怎么办

像是刺猬般防范伪装得勇敢

不轻易让你看穿

我以为可以很坦然

面对分开时不觉得伤感

然而将灯关上一片无声黑暗

心痛得大声呼喊

我想我没那么坚强

每个女孩其实一样

渴望着爱情的好渴望被拥抱

却都害怕爱让人受伤

承认我没那么坚强

不过是一而再的逞强

小心将情绪收藏比傻瓜还傻

刺猬的坚强全都是假象..哭吧
刺猬的坚强全都是假象

-----------------------------------

有时候太坚强笑容却填不满眼眶
越是想要隐藏歌声就唱的更响亮
直到入到心底最深处 oh~
你不要追问我还缺了些什麽

每个人都有梦幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最后一站 oh~
我强问我自己现在还没有个答案

我不是你想像那麽勇敢

多想让你保护能流泪一场

让我放下武装像个孩子一样

单纯的把爱情放在你心上

每个人都有梦幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最后一站 oh~
我强问我自己现在还没有个答案

我不是你想像总是扮演坚强
多想让你知道我也要个伴
放下讨厌武装像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上
我不是你想像的那麽勇敢

------------------------------------------

那条路走啊走啊走啊总要回家
两只手握着晃啊晃啊舍不得放
你不知道吧后来后来我都在想
跟你走吧管它去哪呀

这杯咖啡忘了加糖
真不是我那麽伤感
世界太复杂你说单纯很难
我当然都明白

可是啊只有你曾陪我在最初的地方
只有你才能了解我要的梦从来不大
我们没有在一起至少还像情侣一样
我痛的疯的伤的在你面前哭得最惨

我知道你也不能带我回到那个地方
你说你现在很好而且喜欢回忆很长
我们没有在一起至少还像家人一样
总是远远关心远远分享

----------------------------------------------

Listening to all these. I don't know when will I ever learn to let you go to a better place you truely belong. Baby i love you.

-watashi wa anata wo aishite imas-

-Please, Love me, If you can-

2010-04-15T00:22:00.003+07:00

:( yzanne was so paiseh about the things she said yesterday. it's so paiseh and diu lian. haiis yooo.

Glad that i've believed in all the words yesterday though.

But i didn't realised. You got other ppl le lorrrr. -.-!

u didn't even wanna tell me whose was it. angry die me? :(
dun like it. haiis. suddenly like. gone case. ok. sua -.-!

2010-04-14T03:34:00.002+07:00

My nightmare is going to continue very very soon. Insomnia every now and then. I'm suppose to be strong. Like everyone expect me to. But just, i don't know how this time. Everything changed. Thou i see you. But i don't feel you.

I did a very bad thing to you didn't I? I made you say those stuffs to my gerger. Not letting you know that i was there. I know it all along. I didn't know the exact words and tone. But was kinda angry about some facts you stated. By reading those, it's just something.. a very small part that i do for you. I know that it's not 'wei da' at all for that. But i just hoped, like everyone else said, you'll get a rough idea of how I'm pulling myself through each sleepless nights without you.

Some kuku people joked about the 'countdown' I stated every morning before i sleep. I didn't know how i managed to do so too.

I mistook you too. Your attitute towards me were so so different as compared to what you were like in the past. I don;t like that. :(

I know that there will always be people around you. And can see that you didn't need me too. But i just can't help it. I thought that you were like others, so easily changed. Too fast that i don't even have the time to adapt.

I know i can't force things. Can't make decisions and all for you. I didn't.

Like i said. You're worth it.

People so get stuck in the past. And some are even scared of it. Not willing to face it. Don't you know that I'm different? I always thought that you'll know. I always believed that you're clever enough to know all these. All the crap that I've told you, wrote to you, and all the stupid things in my fb.

I don't know what has gotten into me, that I seriously have the guts to cry and tell you stuffs through the phone.

I believed in what you said this time, though i know most prob, you wanted me to not worry so much. But i'll be stupidly waiting for your text. again.

I mean... i think that's nearly all the things i could do now. To wait in silence.

And I know that you'll make things better for yourself.

:( do me a favour, don't take him away..

2010-03-23T04:38:00.002+07:00

hmms. about my life... now...

pretty boring... haven't been going out much... staying home... talking on the phone... blahh blahh... yeahh i miss you*. but i have kinda.. let u go with the wind...

the phrase.. "the future i had planned, is w/o you.."

that is enough. you have given me enough. :)

seriously. thanks. <33

Thanks to someone. i've killed most of my times. shorter time to think of you and all. which is a good thing in fact. Thanks to biaobiao n gerger for entertaining me too. :)

Now.. i'm ok. realliee. have been worried bout something. now it's comfirmed. thank god.

thou the someone is kinda.. WU LIAO n CRAPPY at times. But he's nice :) Fun.

THANKS PPL! <33

2010-03-10T16:34:00.004+07:00

Not going to blog much already. I feel like a walking corpse. My heart aches sometimes when i think of you. So hard to pass time lately. I don't know how long. Am going to visit your home tonight. Atleast i want to know how long I must wait. Everyone says I should. But I still hasitated so long. Cause I think of what you think. And I'm afraid you will be angry. But am going to do it anyways.

No matter what we are in the future, These are the only things I can do for you.

Baby, I miss you..

2010-03-03T22:59:00.001+07:00

Sorry dude. no matter what u said to me, all i can say is, i'm gonna do what i want n do what i said to u that i will do and do what u know im gonna be doing! reason? i dun wanna regret about anything later in my life.

2010-02-28T13:53:00.003+07:00

Only a short time. And it's funny that i have been missing you quite alot? :X

Spending too much time tgt just isn't right for us now. (BUT I WANT! D:<) ok. so wrong~ But well. Yeah XD i know i know~ u didn't miss me. So busy miss simi!~ D:< ROAR DIE ME.

Hmmmms. Looking into my phone. actually i DO have quite some random photos of him eh? XD Thou we never did take picture tgt. But still, i guess that's enough.

The problem with guys, They forget about things which a girl thinks is important. Even if it's about the important person they love, They tend to be able to forget real fast! I guess this guy is just like normal other guys too. No matter how much I want to try to prove to myself and others that he is different. He appears to be still the same(well. mayb that's what he wants me to think....). But still, at this point, a normal girl would want to know what the guy really thinks. No matter good or bad, atleast the girl doesn't have to guess what the guy is feeling and thinking everytime. But, because of THE reason, He tend to start pushing away whenever we got closer. He doesn't understand that cherishing the time left, and being closer to him is what this stupid little girl is thinking.

Talking about having no confidence. Neither HE nor SHE has the confidence to know the outcome of this pushy r/s. SHE gave HIM her everything. Tried to let everyday be unforgetable. Tried to be more lady-like. Tried to understand him more. Tried to know him better. But HE continues pushing HER away.

SHE overcome her fear. Partly cause HE is the person whom SHE feels that is important.Thanks. She went back to medication, Trying her best to see a future. Maybe, If possible, Change the future a bit. She's brave to face the unconfirmed feelings. The feeling which she did not want to show. But when she finally did, all she got was being pushed away. HE can do whatever he wants. But atleast face HER bravely. Atleast let her know that it's worth the time waiting. He is not the perfect guy. Just some normal person who entered HER life randomly. But still, SHE loves HIM somehow.

Always pending for HIS sms. calls. anything that is related to him. Keeping every possible free time for him. Everything SHE ever think of is HIM and HER. Finally, She is going crazy. Think so much. Being so so sensitive. So easily jealoused.

After giving alot of time to think.

SHE came to a conclusion...

HE gets to live the way HE wants. Even if SHE isn't the one for HIM in the end. Atleast SHE gave in HER all. No regrets. If HE were to enjoy life in a way SHE will be unhappy, jealous, kept in the dark... Go ahead. SHE just wants HIM to be happy. It would of cause be happier for HER if HE were to know how much HE meant to HER.

Updated some rdm photos in facebook. :)

It hurts to dream about you.

Why didn't you want to talk to me? All you asked was if I did eat some pineapple tarts for you. YES I DID ! Talk to me! Tell me what I can do !

I will be burning away quite alot of items? Need time to pack and filter. :( Can't bare to do so, But for your sake. I guess I have no choice. <3

2010-02-27T09:55:00.003+07:00

My last post. hmms. Shows that someone enterted my life again. In a special way actually. I didn't want anything special to happened. Was running away at first actually. The way we communicate is just... different. From the beginning til now i guess?

The reason why I'm blogging all these is that i believe he* won't be reading it. And that I don't wanna forget anything about him*.

After my cousin felt that i might be feeling something a bit different for this guy, she actually talked to me day and night about facing my own feelings. No matter be it he likes me or not. If i do face it, atleast I have a 50-50% chance. If i don't. All i have is 0%. Not thinking of myself. But also HIM.

well. yeah. i did tell him i like him after thinking ALOT before i open my mouth.

Reason for not wanting to face it? He did bad things and had to face the punishments. I don't wanna be waiting for him cause I know I haven waited long for somebody. I don;t have the confidence that even if i wait, The outcome is what i want. So why face it when I know it's gonna hurt? Selfish thinking huh.

If i rmb correctly, 15th feb. after dinner at aunty house. Me, biaobiao n 1 more cousin. and him. We went party world sing k. drink. and stupid me, i was reminded of my one and only korkor. The one whom used the most painful way to leave me. Cried like no one else's business. i tried to walk off after knowing that u cant hold back anymore. But seemed to me like.. SO ATTENTION SEEKING! OMG! D:<

Really cried damn hard. After that, i was reminded of the cat we saw. I wanted to find it as we were near to the place the cat was last seen. Wearing heels. leg tired. after crying. not much strength.

This stupid guy actually took off his shoe for me. and offered to wear my heels. 0.0 Yes i know. no one did that for me before. So the fact that i WAS still running away, i Didn't think much. Only wanted to find the cat.

After putting on the shoes. i wanna RUN! and so i did. for awhile -.- All i did was ran across the road. and then.... suddenly breathing prob! LOL~ asthma sia XD diu lian! it hurts to breath. no air. no strength. zzzzz.

AFTER that, cousins go home. left me n him. And off we go to find the cat! :) Walked all ard the area. We found loads of other cats. Just, that one we can't find. hmmmms. I was still feeling weak. But i saw "SOMETHING". scary de lor. Held onto his fingers. Scare till face turn cold sia! He offered that i could hold tighter... BUT MY HANDS NUMB~ T.T

OK~ anyway, that thing went away after we walked to the main road.

Saw a VERY skinny n old cat. Very ke lian. So we walked to petrol kiosk to get food for kitty~ Fed her and then... we were outta plans! The random me wanted to eat 'tian ji zou'. LOL~

SO, we went geylang. AND ATE PRATA INSTEAD! D:< den went friend'd lanshop audi till 12+pm XD crazy horr. lol.

OF cox~ SO many complains that the shoe i wore stinks! D:< My heels oso spoil hao mahh! ROARR DIE ME!~ hmmms.

Well yeah. i did confess. :) and i always believed that he was SO tired. That's why he forgot about what and how he responded. nvm.

We met up like.. nearly everyday. yes i think is everyday XD one night. We didn;t have plans. Went 7eleven bought drink. Drunk. nono. nv drunk. just..... didn;t know why i did this and that. i cried again. for everything which happened to me. Hugged him and all. and i remembered i kiss him too :X WELL~ ANYWAY~ It felt painful enough to cry the whole night ONLY thinking that the person so special to me is gonna leave me for a longlong time. And when he returns, I dunno whether he wld rmb me. :(

Well. he dun have to rmb everything. for him, now, i guess.. all i need him to rmb, is the promises he made. and that i'm waiting! will be waiting.

Thinking of what he can leave for me. hmmms. He choose to give me the memory, which i feel is important. VERY important to me. It took me alot of courage to be giving it to him. The fear. The result. The outcome. No regrets. I did hasitate very long. But decided to give. That is the memory of you* and me*. If ever, u were to forget bout it. I might kill u*!

OK luhh. admit. i feel JEALOUS when i saw his past posts in his fb wall. ZZ!

AND, the way he spoke on the phone with some other people. So gentle. :(

I DIDN'T SHOW ANYTHING OK!thou im jealous and angry. but knowing that time is short. I choose to let him enjoy every bit of his time left. Even if he were to go 'hong', just do it behind my back pls. :(

LALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~

Thanks to my biaobiao. I faced it. thou the sentence he said did really cut me deep.. But atleast.. i know mayb, i really meant something. Not really Important but atleast, something.

I felt that i wanted him so badly. Now i felt that i dun wanna lose him in any ways. Just wanna give him something, anything.i duno how long this is gonna be. but thats for now.

For the person whom meant alot to me..

Keep the promises u promised. no matter what happens. Remember what i told you. I meant everything i said. Thou all i do was pushed away by you. I just can't hate you. There are alot of things i wanna say and alot i wanna ask. Yes mayb i did ask n say them out of frustrations. But now, i guess all i want is for u to enjoy the times left for you. And then...... I'll be good and will be waiting for yr letters. Hopefully you won;t forget about me and everything will fall into place once this crisis is over. <3 baby.

And so, the HONGSTER dies. TXND.

2010-02-25T22:35:00.003+07:00

I guess i missed out quite alot of stuffs in my life.

Hmms. well all i can say now is. NNNT isn;t the right thing for me to do and it obviously isn;t the right path. ARGH!

Had been tru alot, not blogging it already. find it no point to be reading it actually when everything(NEARLY) i do is all of nothing in return. OR i should say......

JUST TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BLOG! LALALA~~

I'm still the same old me. The only change is...... i managed to JUMP out of the "fear" i always had been in. And yes, thanks to someone special. :)

No names shld be enclosed. u know who u are. XD

Well~ Am gonna lose that stupid person for quite some time i guess. hmmmmmmms~~

Like the lyrics said....

some people is worth the wait. Some pain is worth the endure.

HAHA! DINNER! XD

Shall update again ehhhh.. 7days later. T.T DUN ASK ME WHY! LALALA~~

hopps off far

A day some random stuff happened. The day which yzanne will never forget.. 24feb2010

2010-01-20T22:53:00.004+07:00

Hmmms. Tiring day for me! slept at 7 plus after i disturb someone :) and then, some irritating charactor came texting me, disturbing my sleep. I don't even know who the heck he is! He claimed that we chatted in MSN and he got my number from FB. ZzZzZ~

This person seriously doesn't know what is "FO PLEASE".zz. Spent HALF of my precious day EXPLAINING to him that he did nothing wrong. I just don't want to contact him that's all! why? CAUSE HE IS FREAKY AND IRRITATING AND have HIGH hopes of being together with me WITHOUT even knowing me! ZzzZz. Why is there such a person in this world!?

AHHHH~ My sister brought me to a very cool place!! I swear I've never been there! WOOLALA~ Sunshine Plaza i think? I saw sooooo many things I want to get. But out of the 3 items i saw, 2 of them are ONLY FOR DISPLAY. T.T

There's this really cool doll. holding a rock guitar! THUMBS UP MAN! she's so beautiful, by staring at it, I just can't get my eyes OFF! XD

We were supposed to find my sister's Gundum blah blah freedom blah blah lightning series(It's the model's full series name i guess?) But we end up talking about tailoring cosplay clothings.. BLAHBLAH. XD I guess I'm not the only one OUT of my mine eh?! My sister actually prepared few hundreds for the limited edition Gundum. And, the shop keepers stared for SO LONG before he asked us if he could help. ZzZz. Why? Can't girls be interested in those?! (though... I'm not one of them..)

OOH YAH~ there's this really cute guy in the shop too! XD His has a pretty face, and BEAUTIFUL EYES!! It's a pity he's only around my height. :D But well, He's still cute XD

Walked around there for awhile. Realised that place is for ANIME lovers. XD

From Comics, to tailoring clothes, to rental of cosplay clothings, to Gundums, to all sorta stuff! DAM COOL LAHH~ XD

I have to admit, the only uncool part was the ERP and FARE i had to pay to get there!! &$@#%!!

Took pictures of my and my sister while I'm still quite happy about going out (before i realised how much I'm gonna spend!! )

HAHA. I know i know. My sister's cute! lol.

This is what we bought !! :D

Comics- Vampire Knight 1~11 + VK PokerCards

Levi's Jeans, and a top. (sister's)

E2 -My bras~ XD PINK AND BROWN~ lololol~ ok too much info XD

HOHO~ it's gonna keep me busy for like.. errms.. 2 days? XD

I haven figure out how the Pokercards' gonna be my tarot reading card sia! so many diff picpic XD me and my peabrain! HUHU~ T.T

HEHS! My sister's so NICE! she said she'll cosplay with me... IF she don't have to show her face! LOL~ This is not mission impossible ok~ Other then the part where SHE IS SO SHORT~ -.-"

I recommend Naruto charactors for her. SHE REJECT! zz. So i guess she's going to be the SHORTEST Ichigo Kurosagi in BLEACH. ooops. did i get the name right? AH YAH wadever luhh HOHO~ This person wears a MASK during the time when he changes into halo. ehh. go youtube find yrself~ LALALA.

And.. OOPS! i missed u a bit today! XD

FREE MAN'S BOXER~ ANYONE?! lol. the free gift when i buy the bra from E2 luhh~ zzz. The lady touch touch me when she "helped" me change lor. TAOYANS~ and I've gotta pay $100 FOR IT !! $@%@$#&#%@... LOL~

I also want to work as a promoter there!! Then my turn to touch people for MONEY. LOL.

1 thing i don't like about that promoter? SHE ASK ME WHAT SIZE MY BF WEARS~ T.T people cannot single mehhhhhhhhh! cannot don't want free gift mehhhhhhhhhh! I tell her i don;t know my bf wear what size. i anyhow pick and i said, He wear, not i wear, DON'T CARE! she laughed. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!! ULTIMATE PAISEH-NESS! ROARRS!

I AM GONNA GO BUGIS TOMORROW WITH MY SISTER AGAIN!! HUUHUU~

Time for my VAMPIRE KNIGHT !! :D goodnights people. <33>

2010-01-19T23:56:00.003+07:00

well. don't feel like going home. juz ate tom yum creamy noodles * QQ noodels kays * plus banana choco flavoured pocky.. LOLS! now gonna eat CP chix wings.. lols.. pig!!! PIG~!

urs truely Leanne~

2010-01-18T05:41:00.002+07:00

i don't know if i'm saying all these cause i'm a bit jealous... ok... maybe more than a bit.. -.-"

But... seeing that youre laughing with someone now, hmmmmms. i don't know. should be good for you. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh crap. ignore me :D

If i were so important, you would find some time to just send me a short sms, of cause, it will make me so so happy. If i were so special, you would have used your way to let me know somehow. Looks like I'm just a passerby whom happens to be dam stupid.

Well. atleast i don't have to go find out yr feelings via tarot cards or poker cards? i wished it was true actually. :( ahhhhhhhhh.nvm.

Looks like things are finally going to be clear? i hope.
you took a step forward. But it lets me feel that you opened up your doors for others on the way. lol. i don't know what i'm saying.

I like to bet with the god. :) lets bet, this time. monday. by 730pm. lets see what happens.

goodnight.

2010-01-15T22:00:00.002+07:00

Not liking the days w/o you actually. The only way now is msn i guess. I know what will happen next if we continue this way. Things will just be like this. You enjoying your life w/o me. Me trying my best to let you be this way, thinking that you'll be better off w/o me. Controlling my urge to start all my sms-ing crap and stuffs. Just like the past.

Why must I always end up in this situation? hmms. I donate too little to charity or did I do too many bad things? -.-" Wanting us to be like before this 'incident' happened seems to be quite impossible now, somehow.

OK. now someone signed in -.- and all I'm doing now is waiting to see if someone will PM me. OMG. Yzanne turned GAGA at the wrong timing. To the wrong person. zz.

Sometimes, i think, maybe we know each other at the wrong time. HMMS! If that is the case, WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME?!?! lol.

OK FINE! i have u to entertain now XD TATA to blog. for now...

2010-01-14T22:26:00.002+07:00

I don;t know the FULL reason why. But atleast now i know some. Yeahh. i know it all along. But just, i choose to live in denial stage each time XD

yeahh yeahh! i know gerger always told me that!!

Looks like this time is the biggest risk I'm taking huh? I'm not gonna care about anything. Atleast when everything ends or whatsoever. I won't be crying again, thinking about what i COULD have done but did not do. This is the real YZANNE from the start isn't it? Brave, strong.. OK! the cheerful part got eaten up by -you- actually. I just can't make myself go away this time!

I wished in everyway i could find, of cause not going to say out my WISH yet. UNLESS it comes true. I don't know how long it's going to take seriously. I've never thought of being her replacement of cause. Even if i do, you won't. And I'm not her. But all I can do now, Is to TRY?

I wanna be there to laugh for you (at you also. LOL.). I wanna be there to cry with you. I wanna be there to feel what you feel. To care what u care about. To think what you're thinking. I know I'm a cry baby, through this plan of mine. I might cry and emo, But I'll go through it no matter what. I don;t need to be with you now. Just need you to be brave with me.

If only u tried to step on. I'll make sure I catch you this time and show you ONLY what is nice n beautiful in this "world". I don;t like you being alone cause i know you don't like it yrself.

OOH YAH! the "need a closer friend" sms. was part of the "forget me" plan i used on any other person. BUT, PLEASE DON'T ! ok. now i have to admit again. I wasn;t in the right state of mind. NOW i know I don't want you to leave!

Who told you you've hurt me? ok maybe just a bit cause i didn't know you'll rush things like this. But atleast... I know there're things u said and really meant it.

I have no idea how important she was. and is -.-"

But all that's alright. Since i'm the one who made u feel something you've not for such a long time. I thnk it's only fair for me to wait for my happiness to come to me. :)

MUSHY MUSHY I KNOW! -.-" If it's not for you i WON'T even be talking like this. Who ask you to be so dumb XD

Unless one day, you need me no more. Like me no more. Want me no more. I'm not gonna pass you to other people who will mayb eat you up. ><"

Of cause, i don;t wanna be a burden to you. So, If I'm told to leave... I really will.

*SHEN HUUUU XI~*

You're feelings are what makes me strong for now. It's all i have to know. Your company is all I need to have the sweetest dream. Leave the rest to me. I've told you how 'manly' i am! lol.

NOW LOOK PEOPLE! YZANNE IS GOING TO FIGHT FOR HIM. IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME. PLEASE REMIND ME WHAT I'VE BLOGGED TONIGHT !! EFFORT MUCH MUCH APPRICIATED!! THANKS ALOT PEOPLE!!

2010-01-13T16:43:00.002+07:00

我想要成为你的眼
把最美的风景
收进你的心中
我想要成为你的手
好让我从现在到以後
占有你温柔一刻不放过
恨不得把明天没收
让你永远不会变动
专注的爱着我
我爱你没有保留
我爱你就到最後
有些人值得等候
有些悲伤值得忍受
我爱你不是冲动
生命尽头反正一场空
只要你记得我们那么爱过
我要替你收集笑容
怕未来快乐变得贵重
要是少了我你有多寂寞
太阳不会放弃天空
哪怕你不再属於我
我会在不同的窗口给你拥抱
我忘不掉你第一次吻我

PS WO AI NI.
----------------------------------------------------

Hmms. Emo time listen to all the emo emo songs. Lame right! Hoho.
Don't know how this person manage to control my emotions so freely even without him knowing it himselfs. What is happening here? I really have no idea.

This is the first time I ever dare tell someone how much i love him. OK FINE! though I have to admit that there's still some part here and there i didn't dare to say it out. But then.... hmmms.... Emo whold night already you know!

This is SO NOT ME. ok fine. face it yzanne. :(

I have a bad feeling about all this, now. But somehow, good or bad i don't know. It seemed that this is not going to be like this. I don;t know how or what to say about it. hmmms. Was pressured and stress thinking too much about the things. i admit i think it's a bit too rush and stuff. But was happy you were brave.

I decided to do things my way, since you asked me to do anything i want. I don;t know how u feel now. How you think and how u're gonna react. But seriously, i don;t know if it's me who think too much or whatever, you felt further away already.

Like my gerger said, i won;t give things up so easily cause i don't like to regret later on. So i guess i'm just gonna do what i want and what i can and if i really get nothing, i won't regret.

Gerger and alvin talked to me the whole night. Seeing me stressed son't know for what. tears when i laugh. LOL.thanks ppl!

I really want to know how u feel and stuffs. The conclusion I've made through the night is that I'm gonna break the ice MYSELF. There are certain things you might be afraid of, or stressed about. But i guess I've seen much more and suppose to be much more stronger. If i can't break it in time, of cause, i'm aware of what will happen. But then, No matter how, I'm gonna try. NOT thinking of the wounds or scars i might get. Just plainly hoping you get a better future. Even if it's not with me in it.

Even if i cant be the one who can give u happiness. I'll wanna be the one who see u happy.

I guess this IS me?

AND OF CAUSE.

I don't wanna be.. waiting for you and stuff like that cause that would be so stressful for you lahh! So i guess I'm gonna put it like this....

I'ld be standing at the point when i still feel closer and important to you. Even if you're not going to be there with me anymore. I'm going to stay there for awhile, looking around to see if i can find any traces of you. I'll still be there, for now, so when u turn back and check if i'm dere. I'll be there, sitting in a dark corner trying my best to BE MYSELF AGAIN. So no matter what happens next, I'll try to be, ME. the one u felt is special.

HUUHUU~ so touching right! i wanna cry! XD OK TATA~

2010-01-13T04:26:00.002+07:00

So many things happened. Like, a bit too much for me to blog about.
Happiness came too fast. Too good to be true. And so came the sadness. HMM!
Well. I guess this is life. When he asked for time I should have given him luhh! Why even bother to like.... keep asking him what he is thinking and how he is feeling. This is so not bad yzanne! :( I dunno what's gonna happen and what is happening. But all i hope for now is.......

JUST DONT LEAVE ME.

OKOK! fine. i admit i need you more than u need me. it's obvious. i care too much bout u i din think of what i need to do FOR u. it just felt as thou i was pushing u. :(

Well. cant blog much luhh! BLAH BLAH.

Over at somewhere. drinking. hope it helps me get into my lalaland a little. :( go talk to friends liao! LU LALA.

2010-01-10T01:57:00.004+07:00

Why didn't -you- just understand what I've been going through? Why can't -you- be like before? understanding, let me explain myself. I'm very tired emotionally about these stuffs lately. Not that I don't give a damn. But just that I can't. We were so close and all. Why the sudden change? And I DID listen to your advice. And luckily I did...

I just miss -you- sometimes. You haven been caring bout our friendship as much anymore. hmmms.

Went class today. The lecturer has a pervertic face somehow. Class was alright, other than the fact that it's all about maths and the graphs!

After class went tampines with Wu didi. Wanted to meet KY & ET. But they took the freaking bus 67. -.- from CCK-TAMPINES. So long lahh~ lol.

Wu didi hyper today worr. LOLOL. Thanks for sharing the stuffs with me man! And thanks for being there :D Really needed that. Thanks for everything!! ^^.

Well. RDM PIC. LOL~

Taken on train to tampines.

WELL! We celebrated for our FAILURE in BUSINESS LAW module. T.T

LOL. the food was taking SOOOO long i feel like running off. zz.

Well. Before we ate dinner, was walking ard TM and nothing much caught my eye. Went to Xcraft and TADA~ pink! green! ok BUY! XD it didn't cost much. But it made that someone happy :) under the influence of the PINK spect he showed me maybe? XD

Well. HAD FUN! :D

they went to the arcade and played some kids game. LOL. so funny actually. Waited till 1030 for nic to finish work. Meet awhile, talk talk and headed home.

CONCLUSION IS! I SPENT ALOT ! AND HAVEN BOUGHT MY CLOTHES !!! T.T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Although i made him quite paiseh on the phone tonight. But seriously, the words were so sweet. I don't know what makes me believe in his words. But yes i do. And he claims that he meant the words ytd. :) BIG step forward i think? hmmmms. Small little things made him happy. kept saying thanks. hehs. Well. i wonder what's gonna come for me on WED. XD Kinda scary but well... no comments. let's see about it. ><'' Alright people. I'm tired myself today. Slept only 2 hours thinking about stuffs. NIGHT NIGHT!! Anyway. i realised some rdm photo of the past! LOL~ ITS SO OMGGGGGG!!!

OK! the last one's so rdm -.-

AHH~ <333333333333333

OK! THIS IS SOMEONE WHO WE KNOW! lol.

TADAHH~ XD dun love me too much ppl! XD

2010-01-09T10:12:00.002+07:00

From 7am+ slept till about 9am? and seriously that is it. i woke up for god-knows-what reason and now I'm here. blogging. -.-''

I wonder if -you-'ve found the special someone. I don't want all these to happen actually. Been through so much together. Talked about all the things. -You- know me inside out and I know -you- somewhat upside down. ><''

I don't how to keep -you- out of my mind till 8th Feb. It's actually frustrating. Not knowing the progress. Have to forbid myself from wanting to call or text -you-. Having to still see -you- in class but must act as if I don't know -you-. These is what -you- want but NEVER what I want. All i wanted was -you- to be more understanding. I have work to do outside. There are things I've been keeping from -you-, I'm sorry. But all I want to say, has already been honestly presented to -you- in the nicest way I can find.

-You- didn't give a damn when i needed -you-. Stressed enough but -you-'re still giving me attitude over small stuff. Friends DO argue and all. But why and I don't know HOW -you- can leave our friendship to FATE. And then it's about -you- having happiness, some1 special. What has it gotta do with our friendship?

I've been trying my very best to let -you- know how important -you- were to me. I was the only one whom kept clinging on. -You- just don't understand how i feel.

GERGER is sick. :( losing her voice alrdy. So, no talking on phone sessions. No going out to have fun. T.T cry die me~ GET WELL SOOOOON NAHHH~ Cou gerger. hummps! We must put the paper lantern together again de OKAYYS! :D kuai dian hao qi laii luhh! -xiang nii ooooh~-

It has been quite a long time someone let me feel this way. hmmms. How should I put it?
The 'temptation to love again..' I admit that my past is what made me unable to trust and love as deep. I did , but it hurt really badly in the end. The one whom taught me how deeply i could love. The one whom taught me the symbol of infinity(did i spell it right? o.O). It was so painful i dare not love again.

But then... This is so tempting. XD

Going gaga over small matters. Sacrificing my most important sleep just wanting to accompany him awhile longer. Enjoying the chance to disturb him whenever I'm free. Making him blush is something i discovered I like to do. ><'' He might not be romantic but he's sweet. He's best in being honest. If there's a competition in "who can say the most SORRIES in a day?" the grand winner will confirm be him. He's the only guy whom lets me feel that he's really feeling very bad and sorry for saying the wrong thing and stuffs. I don't know what made me trust him. ><" Maybe because he always complains that it's scary how i can read him like a book.

He's the only person whom i feel, scared of the things I'm scared of? hmmmms.
Well. what can i say? :) dumbdumb, if u're reading this... DON'T 'an shuang' and smile to yr comp i tell u !! <3<3

2010-01-09T04:30:00.000+07:00

Fan wei qi- i think i..

一天过一天
从不确定变成了答案
就像这样
停留在只有你去的方向
每当你出现我身旁
就感觉爱情的重量
我越在意越难衡量
就越放不下
越不去想就越是他
# i think i love you~
爱就是这样couse i miss you～
喜欢你善良陪你去逛逛
会偶尔吵架
吵累了说贴心的话
i'm falling for you～
爱就是这样now i need you
想等你放假
要一起分享今晚的星光
当你说要守护幸福
不打烊～
我们越看就像
不说也能聊解对方
画同一张图画
想同一个梦想
幸福是一座大灯塔
少了你世界就找不了
你一定会再给我力量
其实爱我并不复杂
真心的对话
就能够往幸福出发
爱时常让两个人受伤
爱也总让两个人更坚强
我们不会知道
以后的日子会有多长
在我的世界
都会有你守护肩膀

2010-01-08T05:46:00.003+07:00

WOOLALA.
waiting for 745am to wake the dumbdumb up. hmmms.
decided to read up horoscopes n Zodiac.
Find chinese Zodiac kinda interesting and TRUE.
well. lets see.

HORSE:

People born under this sign tend to be cheerful, irritable, well-liked, and willful. They fall easily in and out of love, detest wasting time, and are more likely to do things their own way. Horses find it difficult to work within time-constraints or to follow an agenda. They are impulsive, quick-thinking, forgetful, and can be aggressive, masterful manipulators of both events and people.

Go with Tiger, Sheep and Dog.

OMG! there's one app in FB about the Zodiac sex!
AND, it is SOO irritating actually. Cant copy n paste! i shall type! DAM. RED is the info from the app. and YELLOW is the comments i give! ZZZZZZ!~

VIRGOS:

A true horror in sexual zodiac.(NO HORR! XD) Virgos are the only people who can become prostitutes and still claims to be virgins (zzzzzz) .A virgo tends toward practical and realistic attitude toward sex, so this little pun is not at all far-fetched.

A virgo will, for instants, ask $50 for a blowjob. $75 if you cum into their mouth, and $20 a min, which ever "comes" first. (no comments. zzz)

Virgos can be witty, articulate, charming and "lives of the parties" but usually fuck it up by hiding their emotions. (ok. i guess it's about the hiding emotions so that the party will get going.)

Virgos are the kind of people who sanitized the toilet seat cover.(TO BE CLEAN WHAT !! ) they are the type who insist on using unopened tube of K-Y. If a condom wasn't vacuum-sealed, they will never go near it.(better to be SAFE den SORRY) Complete showers, if not, disinfected baths are required before and after.(zz. other horoS dun do that?) And if you ever touch a virgo's asshole, kiss yr tryst goodbye.(ok. this part mayb true XD)

This is bout my Birthday. not really true thou -.-"

SEPTEMBER: (17)
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

And this. I don't really understand.

September 2 – September 29 Vine signs are born within the autumnal equinox, which makes your personality changeable and unpredictable. You can be full of contradictions, and are often indecisive. But this is because you can see both sides of the story, and empathize with each equally. It is hard for you to pick sides because you can see the good points on each end. There are, however, areas in your life that you are quite sure about. These include the finer things of life like food, wine, music, and art. You have very distinctive taste, and are a connoisseur of refinement. Luxury agrees with you, and under good conditions you have a Midas touch for turning drab into dramatic beauty. You are charming, elegant, and maintain a level of class that wins you esteem from a large fan base. Indeed, you often find yourself in public places where others can admire your classic style and poise. Vine signs pair well with Willow and Hazel signs. Sign: Vine (Muin) Symbol: The White swan Ruling Planet: Venus - Gwena Celtic Gods: Branwen, Guinevere, Etain

AND quiz which makes me sad. :(

You are a dumb bitch. You say dumb things and no one knows why. You could be trying to get yourself out of the situation, or you're just dumb. Either way it works because people don't want to be bothered. They laugh at you a lot. The only reason people like you is because your either hot or you benefit them from being so dumb.

VIRGO-the virgin:
Dominant in relationships. Sexy. someone loves them right now. Freak in bed. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Intellectual. Attractive. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget Love at first sight. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. Ultimate sexiness.

This is only ABOUT YZANNE! lol.

You should get a Unique Tattoo! You are really your own person! You love just being yourself. You have your highs and your lows but you always stay loyal to who you really are. You don't care about fitting in with the crowd or keeping up with trends. (Often you realize you are way ahead of them anyways!) You are your own person! This is the best thing you can get for yourself! You know who you are and you should be proud of it! Don't be afraid to be as simple or crazy as your are! You just should keep being yourself... The right tattoo will come along and it will be as interesting and amazing as you are!

AHHHHH~ 730pm alrdy! :D
Blogs are so nice for killing time <33

2010-01-08T03:43:00.003+07:00

7JAN09 !
it's late and it came! ^!&@$#%@^&&#(@*#$
QI SI REN. nvm. have better den don't have bahhhhhhhh~ :,(

Yzanne went out with gerger today! :)
went tampines find friend and dumbdumb. LOL.
the name shall not be said.. not now ><'' ANYWAYYYYYY~ I end up eating pasta mania instead of TONKICHIIII~ T.T my ramen~ my sushi~ my sashimiiiiii~ hmmmmmmms. the bake rice sucked. zz. Mushroom baked rice if i'm not wrong.XD the nicest thing for dinner tonight was ICE LEMON TEA. XD dinner at 945pm T.T hungry die me de norr. well. slacked awhile and smoke alot. then moved on to MOVIES! the MOGAN movie thing? not nice actually. but cause i enjoy watching movies.... i watched it w/o falling asleep! :) My friend caught me a bearbear u know! i didn't wanna give him money cause he don't SEEM like he knows how to catch the dolls. but well. he 'stole' my dollar and yes he did catch it. LOLOL~ of cause, i paid for it so it's mine! :D

And best thing IS....
THERE'S A BIG BIG KEROPPI !! XD
i don't think i can get it. so i never tried. XD
but then.. i got it for FREE. by taking a pic of it T.T
i sooooo feel like hugging it. ROARR~

JUST LOOK AT IT~ it's like telling me:"get me! GET MEEE!!"

OOH YAH! We're gonna do the lantern thing again ok! im gonna wish for TONS of stuffs this time! here's what i wrote. MUAHAHA~

can't see right?~ GOOD! XD wishes cannot be said out one norr. :X

Hmmms. I met the person and then.. XD i dunno how to put it.
It's always nice to see the "hrts" coming in.
Always nice to know that you'r part (maybe JUST A TINY PART) of someone's life.
Doing something small for someone and hoping he doesn't sees it. LOL~
Long time since i felt this way. :)
And yes, errrmms. Afraid of some things. But then again.........
This time my instinct seemed to be a bit wrong. HMMS.
I don;t really read him like a book actually. If he is, i'll wanna read over and over again till i remember it word by word. but.. TOO BAD~ no one can undstand someone as well as this.
Or maybe he doesn't know it himself. or he hasn't realised it. HMMS.
Well. i did a part of showing him HOW un-girly i am with friends. ><'' WELL. worried that he'll be like any others. but turned out to be NOT. dunno to be happy bout it or sad sia. He's just so diff. *thumps up!* And it's heart warming to still see the "hrt" coming. LOL. Weird thing is, i mistook it for a hrt, thinking that it might be kinda... facial expression thingiee instead. XD dun wanna think too much ya know! ended up as a hrt in the end XD 1st impression's all bout the SHY-ness. OMG! XD den it was the butterflies i had! den was the dunno what to say. DEN CAME MY "ti ti tahh ti tuuuuuuuuuuuu~" SHIIT~ XD The feeling i felt was diff from what i thought. and the impression i got was diff from what my friends told me. WELL WELL~ lets see bout it. ><>

2010-01-07T04:29:00.003+07:00

Woolala~

Sooo long since i blogged. lol. i'm blogging because everyone is doing it now!
WHY! lol. hmmmms. SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED lately!
i so feel like running away sometimes. hmmmms.
All thanks to -you-, i learnt to be brave and let it all go.
you're such a new friend! :D

And then.. guess i've learnt quite some new stuffs.
-friends come and they go. without a trace. -.-
-Humans are weak in the heart. i duno why.
-Some things are not meant to be voiced out. but some things are!

of cause there's alot more luhh!

WOOLALA~ my pink nails! lol.
Under some influence, maybe?
my nails are PINK ! lol.
toe n fingers~ LOLOL~
hmmmmmmmmmmmms.
i shall get green next time i shop luhh~ lol.

AHHHH~ for the person who blogged about me....
I shall blog about u too. :D WELL WELL.......

I haven met up with this person. and like all of you may think. it's so stupid somehow. Hmms.
He appears to be not what i thought, but what i'll think about. LOL.
He's just different. Special in a way i also don't know how to put it.
And since, he's so interested in listening to my old grandmother stories, guess this blog is gonna be VERY helpful.
Maybe cause, i enjoy being another person whenever he's ard. as in..... msn BLAH BLAH.
He made me felt different. :)
On the other hand!~ always complains that i read him like a book.! lol~
due to his horoscope luhh~ XD
who ask him tell me ahh hehehes! XD
well well. i've added colour into his life. no matter what, i only hope these colours doesn't fade away like anyother things in life. :)

Lazy to put tag board or smth. lazy to put music too! lazy lazy! ><''
shall see what happens tml luhh :D