2.28.2010
Only a short time. And it's funny that i have been missing you quite alot? :X
Spending too much time tgt just isn't right for us now. (BUT I WANT! D:<) ok. so wrong~ But well. Yeah XD i know i know~ u didn't miss me. So busy miss simi!~ D:< ROAR DIE ME.
Hmmmms. Looking into my phone. actually i DO have quite some random photos of him eh? XD Thou we never did take picture tgt. But still, i guess that's enough.
The problem with guys, They forget about things which a girl thinks is important. Even if it's about the important person they love, They tend to be able to forget real fast! I guess this guy is just like normal other guys too. No matter how much I want to try to prove to myself and others that he is different. He appears to be still the same(well. mayb that's what he wants me to think....). But still, at this point, a normal girl would want to know what the guy really thinks. No matter good or bad, atleast the girl doesn't have to guess what the guy is feeling and thinking everytime. But, because of THE reason, He tend to start pushing away whenever we got closer. He doesn't understand that cherishing the time left, and being closer to him is what this stupid little girl is thinking.
Talking about having no confidence. Neither HE nor SHE has the confidence to know the outcome of this pushy r/s. SHE gave HIM her everything. Tried to let everyday be unforgetable. Tried to be more lady-like. Tried to understand him more. Tried to know him better. But HE continues pushing HER away.
SHE overcome her fear. Partly cause HE is the person whom SHE feels that is important.Thanks. She went back to medication, Trying her best to see a future. Maybe, If possible, Change the future a bit. She's brave to face the unconfirmed feelings. The feeling which she did not want to show. But when she finally did, all she got was being pushed away. HE can do whatever he wants. But atleast face HER bravely. Atleast let her know that it's worth the time waiting. He is not the perfect guy. Just some normal person who entered HER life randomly. But still, SHE loves HIM somehow.
Always pending for HIS sms. calls. anything that is related to him. Keeping every possible free time for him. Everything SHE ever think of is HIM and HER. Finally, She is going crazy. Think so much. Being so so sensitive. So easily jealoused.
After giving alot of time to think.
SHE came to a conclusion...
HE gets to live the way HE wants. Even if SHE isn't the one for HIM in the end. Atleast SHE gave in HER all. No regrets. If HE were to enjoy life in a way SHE will be unhappy, jealous, kept in the dark... Go ahead. SHE just wants HIM to be happy. It would of cause be happier for HER if HE were to know how much HE meant to HER.
Updated some rdm photos in facebook. :)
It hurts to dream about you.
Why didn't you want to talk to me? All you asked was if I did eat some pineapple tarts for you. YES I DID ! Talk to me! Tell me what I can do !
I will be burning away quite alot of items? Need time to pack and filter. :( Can't bare to do so, But for your sake. I guess I have no choice. <3
Labels: I am HER. HE is HIM.
1:53 PM
2.27.2010
My last post. hmms. Shows that someone enterted my life again. In a special way actually. I didn't want anything special to happened. Was running away at first actually. The way we communicate is just... different. From the beginning til now i guess?
The reason why I'm blogging all these is that i believe he* won't be reading it. And that I don't wanna forget anything about him*.
After my cousin felt that i might be feeling something a bit different for this guy, she actually talked to me day and night about facing my own feelings. No matter be it he likes me or not. If i do face it, atleast I have a 50-50% chance. If i don't. All i have is 0%. Not thinking of myself. But also HIM.
well. yeah. i did tell him i like him after thinking ALOT before i open my mouth.
Reason for not wanting to face it? He did bad things and had to face the punishments. I don't wanna be waiting for him cause I know I haven waited long for somebody. I don;t have the confidence that even if i wait, The outcome is what i want. So why face it when I know it's gonna hurt? Selfish thinking huh.
If i rmb correctly, 15th feb. after dinner at aunty house. Me, biaobiao n 1 more cousin. and him. We went party world sing k. drink. and stupid me, i was reminded of my one and only korkor. The one whom used the most painful way to leave me. Cried like no one else's business. i tried to walk off after knowing that u cant hold back anymore. But seemed to me like.. SO ATTENTION SEEKING! OMG! D:<
Really cried damn hard. After that, i was reminded of the cat we saw. I wanted to find it as we were near to the place the cat was last seen. Wearing heels. leg tired. after crying. not much strength.
This stupid guy actually took off his shoe for me. and offered to wear my heels. 0.0 Yes i know. no one did that for me before. So the fact that i WAS still running away, i Didn't think much. Only wanted to find the cat.
After putting on the shoes. i wanna RUN! and so i did. for awhile -.- All i did was ran across the road. and then.... suddenly breathing prob! LOL~ asthma sia XD diu lian! it hurts to breath. no air. no strength. zzzzz.
AFTER that, cousins go home. left me n him. And off we go to find the cat! :) Walked all ard the area. We found loads of other cats. Just, that one we can't find. hmmmms. I was still feeling weak. But i saw "SOMETHING". scary de lor. Held onto his fingers. Scare till face turn cold sia! He offered that i could hold tighter... BUT MY HANDS NUMB~ T.T
OK~ anyway, that thing went away after we walked to the main road.
Saw a VERY skinny n old cat. Very ke lian. So we walked to petrol kiosk to get food for kitty~ Fed her and then... we were outta plans! The random me wanted to eat 'tian ji zou'. LOL~
SO, we went geylang. AND ATE PRATA INSTEAD! D:< den went friend'd lanshop audi till 12+pm XD crazy horr. lol.
OF cox~ SO many complains that the shoe i wore stinks! D:< My heels oso spoil hao mahh! ROARR DIE ME!~ hmmms.
Well yeah. i did confess. :) and i always believed that he was SO tired. That's why he forgot about what and how he responded. nvm.
We met up like.. nearly everyday. yes i think is everyday XD one night. We didn;t have plans. Went 7eleven bought drink. Drunk. nono. nv drunk. just..... didn;t know why i did this and that. i cried again. for everything which happened to me. Hugged him and all. and i remembered i kiss him too :X WELL~ ANYWAY~ It felt painful enough to cry the whole night ONLY thinking that the person so special to me is gonna leave me for a longlong time. And when he returns, I dunno whether he wld rmb me. :(
Well. he dun have to rmb everything. for him, now, i guess.. all i need him to rmb, is the promises he made. and that i'm waiting! will be waiting.
Thinking of what he can leave for me. hmmms. He choose to give me the memory, which i feel is important. VERY important to me. It took me alot of courage to be giving it to him. The fear. The result. The outcome. No regrets. I did hasitate very long. But decided to give. That is the memory of you* and me*. If ever, u were to forget bout it. I might kill u*!
OK luhh. admit. i feel JEALOUS when i saw his past posts in his fb wall. ZZ!
AND, the way he spoke on the phone with some other people. So gentle. :(
I DIDN'T SHOW ANYTHING OK!thou im jealous and angry. but knowing that time is short. I choose to let him enjoy every bit of his time left. Even if he were to go 'hong', just do it behind my back pls. :(
LALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
Thanks to my biaobiao. I faced it. thou the sentence he said did really cut me deep.. But atleast.. i know mayb, i really meant something. Not really Important but atleast, something.
I felt that i wanted him so badly. Now i felt that i dun wanna lose him in any ways. Just wanna give him something, anything.i duno how long this is gonna be. but thats for now.
For the person whom meant alot to me..
Keep the promises u promised. no matter what happens. Remember what i told you. I meant everything i said. Thou all i do was pushed away by you. I just can't hate you. There are alot of things i wanna say and alot i wanna ask. Yes mayb i did ask n say them out of frustrations. But now, i guess all i want is for u to enjoy the times left for you. And then...... I'll be good and will be waiting for yr letters. Hopefully you won;t forget about me and everything will fall into place once this crisis is over. <3 baby.
And so, the HONGSTER dies. TXND.
9:55 AM
2.25.2010
I guess i missed out quite alot of stuffs in my life.
Hmms. well all i can say now is. NNNT isn;t the right thing for me to do and it obviously isn;t the right path. ARGH!
Had been tru alot, not blogging it already. find it no point to be reading it actually when everything(NEARLY) i do is all of nothing in return. OR i should say......
JUST TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BLOG! LALALA~~
I'm still the same old me. The only change is...... i managed to JUMP out of the "fear" i always had been in. And yes, thanks to someone special. :)
No names shld be enclosed. u know who u are. XD
Well~ Am gonna lose that stupid person for quite some time i guess. hmmmmmmms~~
Like the lyrics said....
some people is worth the wait. Some pain is worth the endure.
HAHA! DINNER! XD
Shall update again ehhhh.. 7days later. T.T DUN ASK ME WHY! LALALA~~
hopps off far
A day some random stuff happened. The day which yzanne will never forget.. 24feb2010
10:35 PM
