4.23.2010
What is wrong with people now a days?! Or am i the only one SICK and CRAZY here? Why is there NO ONE who is willing to UNDERSTAND others' feelings before doing/saying/joking about anything. Or am i SUCH a NICE fxcking idiot to care so much?!
You have fun. You play around. You go out with different groups of people. You mix around with different groups of friends. You have different issues and problems to settle and face. But did u ever ever realised, My biggest problem is YOU?! How can you possibly throw everything we had before one side and proceed with your own stuffs without thinking I might be touturing myself HERE! RIGHT HERE!
I admit I DID want to leave. I forced myself to. But I know it (at that point of time) I can't ! And when i finally see some HOPE when you're finally out, I FELT YOU EVEN FURTHER! WHAT IS HAPPENING !!
I'm super jealous thinking that you might be going out to meet those who're interested in you. Knowing that YOU HAD FUN with them. and one of them got you the ELMO you find SO CUTE. It only tells me, There is NO NEED and NO MORE ROOM for my TASMANIAN DEVIL!!
Stupidly wanted to get it. Change its clothes since you liked hoodies so much. Buy a pendant with the meaning of "Hope you find your true love" OR "You are my devilish true love". put it on and SURPRISE! With a stupid card on top to let you know the meaning of the pendant. and a simple "I hope everything gets in place. And in case you needed someone to be around but don't know who to turn to, TASMANIA will be here. Just like I'll be a phone call away.."
So much things, easier said then done RIGHT! Being penniless is a PAIN IN MY ARSE NOW.knowing the fact that MY KUKU idea which came from my heart LOST to someone who has more money? If she meant something to you, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY !!
" I have someone in mind now. I'm sorry. You+Me=Friends"
It would be hard for me. But ATLEAST i won't go CRAZYYYYY so long like i am NOW! D:<
"i like you but i need more time." VERY HARD TO SAY OUT?
"i like you as a friend." YOU THINK I WON'T UNDERSTAND?
Or maybe this is what you will send? -"I don't know what i want"
You have your things to do. You think I don't?! I cannot stand it when everything reminds me of you!
oooh! Maybe i should THANK GOD you text me (forwarded MASS MSG) about the acid rain thing this afternoon. I was so happy to see your text 1st thing i opened my eyes.
How long do you want to run? I don't need you to treat me extra nice. But things are so confusing that I don't know what to think! It's like letting you hold a knife and I'm the one who's pulling you into stabbing me, again and again.
On one hand. You did think of getting together with me. On the other, You're treating me coldly like some cats (you didn't like cats).
Even gerger said it was obvious! If i still meant something. Won't you read the diary once you got home? Won't you even give me some response? Won't you even care about what i blogged about and what i did, where i went and stuffs?
WHAT AM I TO YOU?! ok. I'll answer that for you. FRIENDS.
DO I MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!
SHOW ME! I tried to observe. But disappointing results. Other than the part wher you text me, asking me about my exam. I feel NOTHING! :(
If you're a player, you did a very good job. But let me tell you. No one can be a player forever. I admit i was. But I don't know why YOU. But yes, YOU made me isolate. -.- LOVE will be a game the best player loses in the end.
You're different from other guys. You need to mature up a bit. Not that I'm not giving you time. But now, i feel insercure! It's as though you'll leave. In fact, you're not even around anymore.
Am gonna tattoo your initial. J.
You know who you are. I've told you too much.
If one day, you're not mine. I'm sorry. I didn't know how to handle guys. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to face it earlier. I'm sorry I confessed so much. I'm sorry I went crazy and did so much things. I'm sorry if i become more and more irritating. I'm sorry. Just sorry.
Sorry for not being brave like other girls. Sorry for making you the one i love.
I'm sorry for everything I've done/said out of anger and fruastrations. If i caused stress, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for unwilling to forget about any little things you do. I'm sorry for not being able to let you go like i said i would. I'm sorry for wanting myself to remember every single thing that includes you. I'm sorry for loving you.
Labels: I'm Sorry
12:35 AM
4.21.2010
Hmms. I'm still sick. Damm the fever and sore throat.
But I still went out, having the chance to just see you, or know how you're doing. Well, I guess I'm a bit drama. But yeaa.
You were so so far away. I felt so uneasy. We didn't speak to each other much. It's as if we were stranger. If you are, You're the closest stranger I've ever met. And it hurts to be this way.
Suppose to have confrence with friends and you. You didn't sound like you're of much interest to talk to me. Yes, You're always busy with god-knows-what issues.
Things are just getting from bad to worst! WHY! :(
It would be better knowing that you still cared. Knowing that you're still the same person i fell for. Knowing that you are still you.
My head is spinning like crazy. Images of you just wouldn't get out of my brain. It's going to burst soon. Very soon.
Like my tarot says, Give in your all. Don't expect any in return. Before you regret anything in the later part. Love is coming your way. With or without you seeing it. Decisions must be made soon. Stand strong and you will get what you have been working hard on and what you have been waiting for so long. Open up. Don't isolate yourself. More communications leads to smoother roads.
But I'm just too... shy? no. i don;t know. I don;t know what to talk to you about. How to entertain you. -.-!
c'mon yzanne. You're gonna pull yourself up. To how he did feel something for you. Jiayous.
Anyone interested in tarots can try their LOVE TAROT.
http://www.tarot-live.com/
Remember to try out their cletic tarot readings too. :)
Labels: Tarots all about you and me.
1:19 AM
4.19.2010
:( i'm sick! oh my my. I feel so weak now. Don't even feel like getting out of bed. If it wasn't for dinner I guess I wouldn't be out of bed. :X
I slept from about 4am til about 4+ pm. haha. I don't know how i managed to do that too. Whoever who called me or text me are blurred too. cause I think I forgot what we talked about after I woke up too. laughs die me. xD
Skipped facial and massage today. Whole body weak and aching. Too lazy to get up. Too weak to go. So well, stayed in bed instead ><''
For some reason, my new piercing swells and is hurting me NOW! pain! T_T I think i ate something I'm not supposed to. :X
Eyes swell too, after the drama night I've given myself. I hugged the pillow you once hugged before and cried so hard. Until i fell asleep. -.-"
Funny thing is, morning time, I couldn't open my eyes properly. :X But well. It's funny how i get myself into bed these days. I even have people sending me facebook msges. Telling me how emo i've become.
Mommy asked about you too. She asked if we're tgt now. I didn't mean to, but shouted at her a bit and told her.. no -.- she continues asking. I don't want to talk about it. so i ignored. i know! rude! -.-!
Panadols not helping anymore. I need panadol extra! -sighhhhsss-
Ok.I guess I'm feeling tired again. I'm gonna slack a bit in front of the TV hugging the pillow behaving like a dead doll. Eat my medicine (if i remember). And sleep. -.-!
Sorry for being so emo ytd. and......
i miss you.
Labels: yzanne is sick.
6:23 PM
it hurts to wait for someone. not knowing how long you have to wait. But in my case, things are a bit different. and not what i have expected. He is back. But things are not the same. totally different. I missed all his 'baby !' and now finally i get nothing. (well. guess i have to be happy that he asked how was my exam)
This silly guy. Irritating yet idiotic and i don;t know what else. But what to do? I love him. Of cause things on his side id different.
I asked him. feelings from the past and now. got diff? he answered, no.
i asked again. have you ever thought of being together with me? he answered yes.
I asked again. when did you think of that? (expecting the ans to be no or idk) he answered, everytime.
I asked. why? He answered, i really don't know how to answer.
On the other hand, He claims he had no one he likes and all. What should i think then?
It's been so long since i want to understand guys. i realised i still can't?
What to do without him?! I gave in a lot. But well, atleast i know that he is different from other guys. The sweet memories and all those sms. I can't forget! i can even read his sms out w/o even have to look! See? Yzanne's going crazy!
But i do understand that it's not easy for 2 people to get together and stay as one.
I did think of having a future with him. But going tru all these again and again. I feel him no more. I don't know what he feels now. It hurts to be trying all means to get him out the brain but just can't! Totally changed for him.
All i can do now. is using stupid ways to let him know he means soooo soooo much to me. including this cold blog. which i doubt anyone reads it now -.-
well i know he won't. so i write here xD
The issue now, i teared in front of him cause i was reminded of the past with me and him. But he didn't know. He didn;t know and won't know how hard it is to just treat it as nothing ever happened.
Yzanne don't deserve such a guy. Anyone who get the chance to be beside him. Going tru ups n downs together with him. Please, do cherish him. This follish guy had gone tru quite alot. He deserved to be well treated.
Yzanne is going to around quietly ( I HOPE! zz). hoping to see him happy one day. Even if that person is not me. I know i know, darn painful. But what to do? :)
什么都不要懂只想继续做梦害怕醒来以后握不住你的手是谁太不成熟没体谅彼此感受我不停寻找着理由解释分手心好空像没温度的气球我的灵魂困在回忆中动也不能动爱上你不需要理由你到底懂不懂可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受噢爱让我想起你的时候泪禁不住滑落可惜你永远都不会懂什么都不要懂只想继续做梦害怕醒来以后握不住你的手如果同一秒钟你也想起了我心只要能微微颤抖就已足够爱上你不需要理由你到底懂不懂可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受噢爱让我想起你的时候泪禁不住滑落或许我永远都看不透爱上你不需要理由你到底懂不懂伤心快乐在回忆中反复的交错噢爱让我想起你的时候泪禁不住滑落可惜你永远都不会懂放心我还会好好的过---------------------------------------------
他的轻狂留在某一节车厢地下铁里的风比回忆还重整座城市一直等着我有一段感情还在漂泊对他唯一遗憾是分手那天我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来若那一刻重来我不哭让他知道我可以很好我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘曾为他相信明天就是未来情节有多坏都不肯醒来我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望我的心深深伤过却不会忘我和他不再属于这个地方最初的天堂最终的荒唐如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗曾经依靠彼此的肩膀如今各自在人海流浪我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘逃不开爱越深越互相伤害越深的依赖越多的空白该怎么去爱我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘曾为他相信明天就是未来情节有多坏都不肯醒来我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望我的心深深伤过却不会忘我和他不再属于这个地方最初的天堂最终的荒唐如果还有遗憾是分手那天我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来若那一刻重来我不哭让他知道我可以很好-------------------------------
最后一抹的微笑在转身之后我闭上眼哭了仅存的一点点骄傲华丽的外表终於丢掉很旁徨很孤单是寂寞或悲惨一个人该怎么办像是刺猬般防范伪装得勇敢不轻易让你看穿我以为可以很坦然面对分开时不觉得伤感然而将灯关上一片无声黑暗心痛得大声呼喊我想我没那么坚强每个女孩其实一样渴望着爱情的好渴望被拥抱却都害怕爱让人受伤承认我没那么坚强不过是一而再的逞强小心将情绪收藏比傻瓜还傻刺猬的坚强全都是假象..哭吧刺猬的坚强全都是假象-----------------------------------
有时候太坚强笑容却填不满眼眶
越是想要隐藏歌声就唱的更响亮
直到入到心底最深处 oh~
你不要追问我还缺了些什麽
每个人都有梦幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最后一站 oh~
我强问我自己现在还没有个答案
我不是你想像那麽勇敢
多想让你保护能流泪一场
让我放下武装像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上
每个人都有梦幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最后一站 oh~
我强问我自己现在还没有个答案
我不是你想像总是扮演坚强
多想让你知道我也要个伴
放下讨厌武装像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上
我不是你想像的那麽勇敢
------------------------------------------
那条路走啊走啊走啊总要回家两只手握着晃啊晃啊舍不得放你不知道吧后来后来我都在想跟你走吧管它去哪呀这杯咖啡忘了加糖真不是我那麽伤感世界太复杂你说单纯很难我当然都明白可是啊只有你曾陪我在最初的地方只有你才能了解我要的梦从来不大我们没有在一起至少还像情侣一样我痛的疯的伤的在你面前哭得最惨我知道你也不能带我回到那个地方你说你现在很好而且喜欢回忆很长我们没有在一起至少还像家人一样总是远远关心远远分享----------------------------------------------
Listening to all these. I don't know when will I ever learn to let you go to a better place you truely belong. Baby i love you.
-watashi wa anata wo aishite imas-
-Please, Love me, If you can-
Labels: baby. please.
1:43 AM
4.15.2010
:( yzanne was so paiseh about the things she said yesterday. it's so paiseh and diu lian. haiis yooo.
Glad that i've believed in all the words yesterday though.
But i didn't realised. You got other ppl le lorrrr. -.-!
u didn't even wanna tell me whose was it. angry die me? :(
dun like it. haiis. suddenly like. gone case. ok. sua -.-!
Labels: fxck. im jealoused.
12:22 AM
4.14.2010
My nightmare is going to continue very very soon. Insomnia every now and then. I'm suppose to be strong. Like everyone expect me to. But just, i don't know how this time. Everything changed. Thou i see you. But i don't feel you.
I did a very bad thing to you didn't I? I made you say those stuffs to my gerger. Not letting you know that i was there. I know it all along. I didn't know the exact words and tone. But was kinda angry about some facts you stated. By reading those, it's just something.. a very small part that i do for you. I know that it's not 'wei da' at all for that. But i just hoped, like everyone else said, you'll get a rough idea of how I'm pulling myself through each sleepless nights without you.
Some kuku people joked about the 'countdown' I stated every morning before i sleep. I didn't know how i managed to do so too.
I mistook you too. Your attitute towards me were so so different as compared to what you were like in the past. I don;t like that. :(
I know that there will always be people around you. And can see that you didn't need me too. But i just can't help it. I thought that you were like others, so easily changed. Too fast that i don't even have the time to adapt.
I know i can't force things. Can't make decisions and all for you. I didn't.
Like i said. You're worth it.
People so get stuck in the past. And some are even scared of it. Not willing to face it. Don't you know that I'm different? I always thought that you'll know. I always believed that you're clever enough to know all these. All the crap that I've told you, wrote to you, and all the stupid things in my fb.
I don't know what has gotten into me, that I seriously have the guts to cry and tell you stuffs through the phone.
I believed in what you said this time, though i know most prob, you wanted me to not worry so much. But i'll be stupidly waiting for your text. again.
I mean... i think that's nearly all the things i could do now. To wait in silence.
And I know that you'll make things better for yourself.
:( do me a favour, don't take him away..
Labels: please..
3:34 AM
