My last post. hmms. Shows that someone enterted my life again. In a special way actually. I didn't want anything special to happened. Was running away at first actually. The way we communicate is just... different. From the beginning til now i guess?
The reason why I'm blogging all these is that i believe he* won't be reading it. And that I don't wanna forget anything about him*.
After my cousin felt that i might be feeling something a bit different for this guy, she actually talked to me day and night about facing my own feelings. No matter be it he likes me or not. If i do face it, atleast I have a 50-50% chance. If i don't. All i have is 0%. Not thinking of myself. But also HIM.
well. yeah. i did tell him i like him after thinking ALOT before i open my mouth.
Reason for not wanting to face it? He did bad things and had to face the punishments. I don't wanna be waiting for him cause I know I haven waited long for somebody. I don;t have the confidence that even if i wait, The outcome is what i want. So why face it when I know it's gonna hurt? Selfish thinking huh.
If i rmb correctly, 15th feb. after dinner at aunty house. Me, biaobiao n 1 more cousin. and him. We went party world sing k. drink. and stupid me, i was reminded of my one and only korkor. The one whom used the most painful way to leave me. Cried like no one else's business. i tried to walk off after knowing that u cant hold back anymore. But seemed to me like.. SO ATTENTION SEEKING! OMG! D:<
Really cried damn hard. After that, i was reminded of the cat we saw. I wanted to find it as we were near to the place the cat was last seen. Wearing heels. leg tired. after crying. not much strength.
This stupid guy actually took off his shoe for me. and offered to wear my heels. 0.0 Yes i know. no one did that for me before. So the fact that i WAS still running away, i Didn't think much. Only wanted to find the cat.
After putting on the shoes. i wanna RUN! and so i did. for awhile -.- All i did was ran across the road. and then.... suddenly breathing prob! LOL~ asthma sia XD diu lian! it hurts to breath. no air. no strength. zzzzz.
AFTER that, cousins go home. left me n him. And off we go to find the cat! :) Walked all ard the area. We found loads of other cats. Just, that one we can't find. hmmmms. I was still feeling weak. But i saw "SOMETHING". scary de lor. Held onto his fingers. Scare till face turn cold sia! He offered that i could hold tighter... BUT MY HANDS NUMB~ T.T
OK~ anyway, that thing went away after we walked to the main road.
Saw a VERY skinny n old cat. Very ke lian. So we walked to petrol kiosk to get food for kitty~ Fed her and then... we were outta plans! The random me wanted to eat 'tian ji zou'. LOL~
SO, we went geylang. AND ATE PRATA INSTEAD! D:< den went friend'd lanshop audi till 12+pm XD crazy horr. lol.
OF cox~ SO many complains that the shoe i wore stinks! D:< My heels oso spoil hao mahh! ROARR DIE ME!~ hmmms.
Well yeah. i did confess. :) and i always believed that he was SO tired. That's why he forgot about what and how he responded. nvm.
We met up like.. nearly everyday. yes i think is everyday XD one night. We didn;t have plans. Went 7eleven bought drink. Drunk. nono. nv drunk. just..... didn;t know why i did this and that. i cried again. for everything which happened to me. Hugged him and all. and i remembered i kiss him too :X WELL~ ANYWAY~ It felt painful enough to cry the whole night ONLY thinking that the person so special to me is gonna leave me for a longlong time. And when he returns, I dunno whether he wld rmb me. :(
Well. he dun have to rmb everything. for him, now, i guess.. all i need him to rmb, is the promises he made. and that i'm waiting! will be waiting.
Thinking of what he can leave for me. hmmms. He choose to give me the memory, which i feel is important. VERY important to me. It took me alot of courage to be giving it to him. The fear. The result. The outcome. No regrets. I did hasitate very long. But decided to give. That is the memory of you* and me*. If ever, u were to forget bout it. I might kill u*!
OK luhh. admit. i feel JEALOUS when i saw his past posts in his fb wall. ZZ!
AND, the way he spoke on the phone with some other people. So gentle. :(
I DIDN'T SHOW ANYTHING OK!thou im jealous and angry. but knowing that time is short. I choose to let him enjoy every bit of his time left. Even if he were to go 'hong', just do it behind my back pls. :(
LALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
Thanks to my biaobiao. I faced it. thou the sentence he said did really cut me deep.. But atleast.. i know mayb, i really meant something. Not really Important but atleast, something.
I felt that i wanted him so badly. Now i felt that i dun wanna lose him in any ways. Just wanna give him something, anything.i duno how long this is gonna be. but thats for now.
For the person whom meant alot to me..
Keep the promises u promised. no matter what happens. Remember what i told you. I meant everything i said. Thou all i do was pushed away by you. I just can't hate you. There are alot of things i wanna say and alot i wanna ask. Yes mayb i did ask n say them out of frustrations. But now, i guess all i want is for u to enjoy the times left for you. And then...... I'll be good and will be waiting for yr letters. Hopefully you won;t forget about me and everything will fall into place once this crisis is over. <3 baby.
